there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
