I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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