i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Randomize
