i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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