I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
