i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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