WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
