I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
