these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
