I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Holy shit dude........stairs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
