Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
