Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
