my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
