the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
