The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
