Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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