what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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