I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
