Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize