i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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