It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
