the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
