so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
