Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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