Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
