Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
