so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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