Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
