I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
