there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
