she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
