Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
