The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize