WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
