ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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