if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
