I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
