He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
