"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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