some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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