If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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