fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
