TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
