Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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