i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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