no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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