I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
