I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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