Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
