She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You smell like stripper and shame
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
