Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
