Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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