there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
