He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
