I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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