ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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