I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
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As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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