So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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