i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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