Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
