90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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