All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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