ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
