i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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