I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
