I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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