I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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