so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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