oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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