You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
