I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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