he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
