Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
