dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You made out with two different species that night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
