just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
