Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
