Sponge bath it is.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
