Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
