Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
